Self-Love Saved My Life

In late January 2008, I was lying on the floor, tears rolling down my face. I felt like the wind was just knocked out of me. The room was spinning, and I didn’t know which way was up. Who am I? Where am I? Everything was so dark, and everything felt heavy.

I was this depressed blob of nothing. I felt like my world was just shattered, and I had no reason to live anymore.

I kept going through the motions. Getting up, going to work. But I was so sad, I didn’t even eat anything. I barely talked to anyone. I felt alone and broken. Who would want to hang out with me? I sure didn’t. 

What made me feel so sad, so worthless? I was dumped by my boyfriend, whom I was seeing for just over a year.

To some, this might not feel like something that should make me feel so sad, so useless, so worthless, but it did.

At the time, I didn’t realize it, but I always had this need to have a guy like me. So when my boyfriend ended it with me, I felt completely unlovable.

After a month of throwing myself the biggest pity party ever, I realized that I didn’t want to feel like this anymore.

That's the day I began taking steps on my self-love journey (before I even knew what that meant).

One of the hardest things is pulling back the curtains and taking a good look at yourself and where you are in that moment.

I spent so many years making others happy that I forgot who I was and that I deserve to be happy too.

Now, almost two decades later, I have learned so much about myself and life. I’ve made small choices that have grown into a practice that has helped me more than I ever thought possible.

That moment on the floor was a beginning, not the end.

Over the years, I learned how to choose myself sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly, and those small choices turned into a life I actually wanted to live.

If you’re reading this because you felt like I did, here are the steps that helped me move from crushing despair to self-love.

1/ Start with one small, nonnegotiable act of care each day

• Pick something simple (drink enough water, make your bed, brush your teeth, take a 5-minute walk). The point isn’t perfection; it’s the message you send to yourself: “I matter.”

• Schedule it into your day like any important appointment. Consistency builds trust in yourself.

2/ Create mini-boundaries and practice saying no

• For me, boundary work began with tiny experiments: saying no to a late-night text, declining a plan when I needed rest.

• Boundaries aren’t punishment, they’re preservation. They protect the energy you need to heal.

3/ Journal prompts that changed everything

• Try writing for five minutes each morning. Use prompts like:

  • “Today I need…”

  • “What small kindness can I offer myself right now?”

  • “One truth I want to remember today…”

• Journaling helped me notice patterns, release shame, and welcome compassion.

4/ Move your body in ways that feel good

• Start with gentle movement...a stretch, a walk, dancing in your kitchen.

• Movement reduces anxiety, lifts mood, and reconnects you to yourself.

5/ Reframe negative self-talk and practice new language

• When the inner critic shows up, try this three-step shift: Notice (“I hear you”), Name (“That’s fear/perfectionism/old pain”), Replace (one kinder phrase: “I am learning”).

• Over time, kinder language rewires how you feel about yourself.

6/ Lean on supportive people, not only social media

• I found real healing in relationships that were reciprocal. Seek friends, mentors, or therapists who listen without judgment.

• Social media can inspire; it can also mislead. Use it intentionally and protect your peace.

7/ Celebrate tiny wins

• Recovery is slow and nonlinear. Celebrate small milestones: a day you felt lighter, a healthy choice you made, a moment you were kind to yourself.

• Keep a “wins jar” or list to look back on when doubt creeps in.

8/ Build a simple self-love routine

• My daily routine became a compass: morning ritual (hydrate, journal), midday pause (breath, stretch), evening wind-down (gratitude, gentle skincare).

• Routines anchor you on hard days and remind you you’re worth consistent care.

9/ When you stumble, practice radical compassion

• Relapse into old patterns is human. The question isn’t “Why did I fail?” but “How can I support myself now?”

• Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Compassion rebuilds trust faster than shame.

10/ Keep learning, but choose one tool at a time

• Over the years, I tried many practices (therapy, affirmations, breathwork). What helped most was focusing on one new habit until it stuck.

• If you try too many things at once, it becomes overwhelming. Choose one growth practice for 30 days and track progress.

These practices slowly replaced external validation with internal presence.

Each small choice sent the message that I was worthy of care, attention, and love.

The results...

Less shame, more agency, and a deeper sense of who I am beyond relationships, roles, or mistakes.

I believe that everyone should be able to live an empowering life they love!

That’s why I created A Course in Self-Love. To help other women move from the darkness into compassion and understanding, for themselves and life.

You don’t have to do it alone...

The course is built for women who are ready to begin but unsure where to start.

It’s gentle, practical, and designed to meet you where you are.

Learn more about the course here.

I’d love to walk with you.

If my story resonates, remember...feeling broken is not the same as being broken. Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible. One small, courageous step at a time, you can come back to yourself.